Masculinities at work
At every point of the wealth spectrum, the commonality that binds men
The recent IPL Cricket match between Lucknow Super Giants (LSG) and Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB) kicked up quite a controversy because two cricketers- one a coach and the other a captain, got into a fight. The clash, reportedly took place at the end of the match, where the two, namely Gautam Gambhir and Virat Kohli, refused to shake hands and instead engaged in a verbal spat and had to be restrained by others before it could escalate. The commentators, a Sunday Express news article and some others, lamented that it was a sad day for cricket, as the gentleman’s game was at a risk of losing its reputation.
One thing that the BCCI did in response to the indiscipline was fine both the cricketers the entire match fee. Now frankly, how much that penalty meant for these wealthy celebrities is anybody’s guess. But this entire incident reminded me of two autorickshaw drivers I had met in Bangalore, when I was living there.
One day, in 2018, I took an auto rickshaw to go to MG Road from my home in Koramangala. As is custom in Bangalore, I negotiated the price with the auto driver before I even got in. It was a fair price as I agreed to paying an amount that I had previously paid an auto driver during a similar time, when they had agreed to use the meter. However, when I reached my destination, and offered the auto driver the agreed upon fare, he asked for more. I stood firm and refused to pay the extra fare, as nothing justified the increase. The young man did not take the money and left, saying, if you care about money so much, keep it. I was truly befuddled, partly grateful- a free ride- but wondered, how can this man afford to leave this kind of money? Maybe, as he was young, nobody at home relied on his salary? But how does he pay for fuel? What does he say at home when his family asks him, how much did he make that day?
This situation repeated, in 2021, when I was in Bangalore again. This time, an elderly man was the auto driver and agreed to ferry my sister and me to our place at a pre-negotiated fare. As soon as he dropped us home, he asked for more, which was something we decided was unfair and refused to budge. We urged him to take the money (it was quite a sum) but he drove off, leaving the notes on the street, yes, but also attempting to insult my sister and me, by saying that if we couldn’t afford rickshaw rides, we shouldn’t take them. Correct. But I wondered, if uncle knew about how much we could afford, then did he truly know how much he could afford to let go?
For days I thought about this man. He was old and my sister and I were his late-night passengers. Surely, he has family that depends on his daily wage. I wondered how much had he earned the whole day, that he could leave that last bit which I was paying him. I thought of how his family might be responding to his chauvinism- “ah, good papa. It’s best not to take money from those snobby city women who think we need their money” or “we rather have our pride than that money. Money will come our way anyway”. Or “you got home once again without money? How am I to feed the family?” or “Papa, I need to pay my fees, can you leave your pride aside and just do what you go out to do?” I don’t know which way that conversation went and if it took place at all. Now, some of you might think that all people have a right to pride, irrespective of wealth, and I have no business telling people that they should prioritize their livelihood. I agree with that thought frankly. But I am certain women do not have that right to pride because they have mouths to feed.
In the show Beef on Netflix, Ali Wong and Steven Yeun are two people on the opposite side of the wealth spectrum but are united through their fight for the same thing- to be seen and understood. Essentially, you can be on any side of class but have the same human needs.
The two sets of men, on the opposite side of the wealth spectrum, two of them celebrity sports persons and the other two working class men, are also bound by one thing- their masculinity. The harmful gender norms in society for men, that allows them to prioritize false notions of bravado as opposed to common sense acts of nurturing, duty and community well being. These norms tell men that they can let go a job or refuse to sign up for government schemes because someone else will do it. These norms are what allow for the ‘feminization of responsibility and obligation’, which economist Sylvia Chant says shows up when women have to take responsibility of the household, community or other challenges when men simply give up. The same norms that tell you that its OK to not extend a hand- to receive your wage, to uphold sportsperson-ship, or both and yet personally lose nothing even while others do.